If you're interested in adding some sex toys into your couple's play for the first time, having that conversation might feel daunting. Especially if you're unsure about how your partner will react to the idea of introducing sex toys into the bedroom.
An important thing to remember is that lots of couples use and enjoy sex toys together. Vibrators, massagers, even just a bottle of lube, can allow couples to experiment with pleasure in new ways and can even help them to discover previously unknown turn-ons. It's easy to understand why they're becoming more and more commonplace.
However, if you're in a new relationship, or are only just starting to consider using sex toys, the big question that so often arises is:
'How can I bring up the subject of sex toys with my partner?'
We've put together some ideas on how you can make that chat a whole lot easier…
Make it a casual conversation
It doesn't need to be a formal discussion. Try approaching the subject of sex toys when you're not in the bedroom, at a time when you're both feeling relaxed and conversation is flowing freely.
You could mention that you read an interesting article online about sex tips and foreplay and that it got you thinking. Or you were listening to a podcast that featured a sex expert who referred to different sex toys for couples.
Perhaps even open up a conversation about fantasies or different things you might like to try and see where it leads. Or maybe go for watching a sexy film together like Fifty Shades of Grey and subtly hint that you'd like to try that too.
From here, you'll be able to gauge your partner's reaction to it: whether they respond positively or not. If it's the former, great! Let the conversation continue and check out some of the best sex toys for beginners. If it's the latter, then no worries. It might be that they need a bit more time to consider what you've said.
If face to face is too tricky
Sow the seeds by sending a suggestive text message that mentions sex toys. You could even copy a link to their personal email sending them to an article or product you've spotted in Harmony that you like the look of. To get the discussion going, ask them what they think of it? And whether this is something you can chat about when you get home that evening?
The benefit of texts and emails is that they give the writer more time to think about what they want to say and how best to say it. This could help you both if you find you sometimes get your point muddled up during conversation. Plus it allows your partner a bit more time to process the idea of using sex toys and prepare for a chat on the topic.
Offer some reassurance
Sometimes partners can worry that the reason you're suggesting using sex toys is because you feel your sex life isn't satisfying enough. While you may know this to be nonsense, it's important that your partner understands that too.
Reassure them that's not why you want to use sex toys with them. Explain that you feel really positively about your sex life with them and maybe that's why you feel comfortable exploring new pleasures together. Tell them what you enjoy most about sex with them and make it clear that sex toys are not there to replace anything they do.
Highlight that you want to add to your sex play. It's a well-known fact that many women are unable to orgasm from penetration alone and that clitoral stimulation is needed to reach that big climax. This is where you might want to suggest a vibrating cock ring or using a wand massager during penetration for that extra stimulation.
Focus on the benefits for both of you. Emphasise that it's about mutual pleasure and new experiences and stimulations that you'll both feel and enjoy.
Find something you agree on
Shopping together for sex toys can be both fun and intimate, making the experience of introducing that first sex toy into your relationship a lot less daunting. Visiting a sex shop like our stores in London is one option. Getting the help of our sales assistants could be a great positive as they know the products inside out and are happy to make genuine recommendations to help you find a sex toy that you'll both enjoy using in the bedroom.
Finding something you agree on in terms of shape, price, function and even colour will make a big difference, because you'll both enjoy using it more.
If you want to start off simple without spending too much, a small bullet vibrator is a great toy for first-time couples play. Use it as part of mutual masturbation and try its different vibration patterns over the vulva, clitoris and even the perineum.
Don't push it
If your partner is still really unsure about introducing sex toys into the bedroom, then let the subject lie for a while. Sex should be fun and enjoyable for both of you, an experience where you both feel comfortable, not pressured. Dildos and handcuffs might feel like a step too far at this point. Instead, explore more subtle pleasures like dressing up in new lingerie/underwear, or some flavoured lube for a different take on oral sex.
Need more help and advice?
If you need more tips on which sex toys are the ideal starting place, then contact us by emailing email@example.com
Alternatively, you can visit us at one of our London stores, where our experienced sales assistants will be able to talk you through a wide range of sex toys that are perfect for first time users and couples.