What is BDSM Subspace? We Asked a Submissive
What are BDSM subspace and sub drop?
During a BDSM scene, a submissive may experience what’s known as BDSM ‘subspace’ and ‘sub drop’. While subspace and sub drop may not occur every time you play in your sex life, it’s important to be aware of what they are and how they can affect someone.
As this isn’t something I’ve experienced, I asked professional submissive Alexia Gasp, to help explain.
Rose: For those who haven’t heard of BDSM subspace, what is it?
Alexia: ‘Subspace’ is experienced by a submissive during fetish or BDSM play with a dom. To explain what it actually is, take a read of Dr Brad Sagarin and The Science of BDSM. They describe it as “an altered state of consciousness” prompted by physical and psychological reactions within the body. Put really simply, it’s your body entering a fight or flight response as a result of BDSM stimulation.
Rose: What can it feel like?
Alexia: It’s different for everyone and can depend on the type of play. For example, I’ve seen rope bunnies — people who enjoy being tied up — fall into a dreamy, floaty, trance-like state of subspace that lasts hours.
From my experience, I’d describe subspace as an intense feeling. It’s like switching off from everything and being in your own bubble. I become totally immersed in that situation and there’s a complete focus on the actions of the Dominant.
Watching someone experience subspace can be beautiful. Their eyes close and you can tell they’re deeply into what’s happening. They look happy and it’s quite passionate. It is quite different from normal sexual arousal and a different state of mind and body experience.
Rose: How can someone achieve subspace?
Alexia: Firstly, realise that subspace is not guaranteed during a kinky session. A bit like sex and orgasms: if it doesn’t occur, you can still have a fulfilling, enjoyable experience. Not everyone in the BDSM community has experienced it either. It can be very much a personal thing.
Who you’re playing with, the environment you’re in, and the type of play can also trigger or prevent subspace. For me, I know that one trigger is the thuddy-feeling of impact play such as spanking or flogging with a flogger. While stingy sensations (using a switch or cane) will snap me straight out of that headspace since everybody’s pain tolerance is different.
A submissive may find it easier to achieve the physical sensation of subspace by relinquishing a certain level of control to a dominant partner or domme. During play, you may get to a point where you hit a wall. At that moment there are two choices: back out, panic and think ‘Argh! What am I doing?’ or continue, let go and let the adrenaline roll. It’s that feeling of a fight or flight response. If everything feels good body-wise and you feel safe, by letting play continue it’s possible to sink into this very dream-like state.
Rose: Are there any risks?
Alexia: What goes up, must come down. The opposite of subspace is sub drop. Both submissive and Dominant should be aware of this. It’s a bit like a hangover and can affect you physically and emotionally. After the endorphin rush of adrenaline during play, the drop is your hormones bringing you back down. It can make you feel low and manifest physically. I’ve seen people get the shivers and shakes (which is what happens to me) or need time to sit down and regroup. Having something sugary on hand helps for aftercare. Some subs may enjoy a post-play cuddle or simply being left alone for a while.
Sub drop doesn’t always come at the end of a session. Subspace can quickly transition into drop during play. Remember to communicate and check-in because a Dominant can’t know everything. Take responsibility if you’re feeling dodgy, experiencing a sub drop mental state, and need to stop play for your well-being. Always play with a safeword.
Something you might not realize is that a dom can also experience something similar (topspace) and after play has concluded they can experience something called top drop. So, everyone involved needs to be aware of the effects and after-effects of BDSM play.
Pressing pause for a 10-minute break before getting back to it is a much better way to ensure everyone stays safe and keeps having a good time during play.
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