How to Last Longer in Bed
Tips and tricks to extend the pleasure
If you’re worried that you don’t last long enough, you’re not alone. On average, it takes a cisgender man around 5 to 6 minutes to orgasm from vaginal intercourse. And yet the concern of finishing too quickly in bed plays on the minds of many men.
It’s common for all men to finish a little too quickly every now and then and there are lots of different reasons why this can happen.
Anxiety is a key trigger, especially anxiety about your sexual performance. So the more you overthink it and worry about it, the more likely you are to finish quickly or suffer from erectile dysfunction. Many men experience early ejaculation at some point, so the first thing is to try not to focus on it and get worked up, focus on different ways of pleasuring each other instead and prolonging your sexual activity in a different way.
Sexual experience is another common reason. Many men climax very quickly if they aren't having sex regularly or if it's their first time. But early ejaculation can also be a side effect of prostate or thyroid problems, so if you find it's becoming a serious problem, it's always best to have a chat with your doctor.
It's important to note that there’s no correct amount of time for sex to last. That's entirely up to you and your partner. But if you want to keep the fun going a little longer, read on for a few sex tips and tricks for how to last longer in bed.
1. Engage in more foreplay
Sex isn’t just about penetration. Make foreplay the main event instead and take time to stimulate your partner through touching, teasing, kissing, and oral sex, bringing them to orgasm first. You could even introduce a small bullet or finger vibrator too, tracing it over their erogenous zones including their clitoris for maximum stimulation. This will help take the focus away from penetrative sex and can help reduce your own performance anxiety in reaching orgasm too soon.
2. Use condoms
Safe sex should always be a priority, but early ejaculation is often a result of hypersensitivity, so using a thick condom can help reduce sensation and slow you down. You could also choose a condom specifically designed to help you last longer like the Durex Extended Pleasure which are pre-lubricated with body-safe Benzocaine that gently numbs the tip of the penis, helping to delay ejaculation.
Bringing yourself to orgasm an hour or two before your planned sex session can help reduce your sensitivity the second time around, allowing you to last longer.
When masturbating, you can also try edging. Taking yourself to the point of orgasm, then stopping all stimulation just before the point of no return, allowing yourself to cool down before starting again. This edging technique can help give you better control over your orgasms.
4. The squeeze technique
Another way of edging, just when you think you’re close to ejaculating, pull out and squeeze the head of your penis between your thumb and fingers for 10-20 seconds. This squeezing will reduce the impulse to ejaculate.
5. Slow things down
Rapid, hard thrusts create intense stimulation which may feel great in the moment but can result in a faster climax. Instead, try decreasing the intensity, with longer slower shallower movements.
6. Try new sex positions
Getting creative and switching up positions is a great way to keep things passionate, but allows you to have a quick break - especially if you think you’re nearing the edge. Switch from penetration to oral, before moving into another penetrative position. Try a position with her on top that allows her to grind and stimulate the clitoris, but has less direct stimulation on the penis. And whilst you’re changing position, you can discreetly try the squeeze technique mentioned above to calm your body down during the transition.
7. Try a cock ring
Cock rings work by restricting the blood flow into the penis, resulting in a longer, harder, and sometimes bigger erection. Try one with a vibrator or stimulating nubs that will rub against your partner's clitoris for double the sensation.
8. Do some Kegels
Pelvic floor exercises aren’t just for women, strengthening the pubococcygeus muscle can help men with their sexual performance too. These can be done at any time but it’s best if you can incorporate them into a daily routine - try it when you’re doing an everyday task such as brushing your teeth so that it becomes second nature. To perform kegel exercises, tighten your pelvic floor muscles as if trying to stop yourself from peeing. Hold the contraction for three seconds, then release for three seconds and repeat. Aim for 3 sets of 10 repetitions a day.
9. Build up your stamina with a Fleshlight
The biggest name in male sex toys, Fleshlight masturbators are a brilliant (and very pleasurable) way of increasing your staying power. Made of a patented material called Superskin, these strokers are designed specifically to simulate the feel of real skin and penetrative sex, helping you train to last longer and improve your performance in the bedroom.
10. Try desensitizers
Anything that helps desensitize the penis, can really help in delaying ejaculation. There are a number of delay sprays and numbing creams that can be applied to the penis around 20-30 minutes before sexual activity that will gently numb the penis. Just remember to wash it off a few minutes before penetration though, otherwise, you could end up numbing your partner internally!
When to speak with a doctor
If you're still concerned, suffering from performance anxiety, or finding that early ejaculation is becoming a big problem in your sex life, it’s always good to speak with your GP. If you allow the worry to build up, it could begin to have a huge impact on your own mental health and even cause erectile dysfunction.
If you regularly ejaculate after less than a minute, you may be diagnosed with premature ejaculation. Your doctor will be able to help you identify any causes and recommend some treatment options, such as:
Psychotherapy with a professional sex therapist can help identify any underlying issues that may be causing your early ejaculation such as anxiety. They may also recommend attending sessions with your partner so to help ease each other's fears and offer some solutions on how you can work it through together.
After trying other methods, a doctor may prescribe various medications.
A type of antidepressant known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can change sexual function and make it more difficult to orgasm and as such, are often used to treat premature ejaculation.
Similarly to the desensitizers mentioned above, doctors can also prescribe stronger numbing creams that contain lidocaine.
They may even prescribe Viagra, which, whilst it is usually taken for erectile dysfunction, can help with early ejaculation as well.